Hana’s POV

I was getting ready for college, battling with myself over whether I should go with Maan or not. I was confused after talking to Marzi Aapi. I mean, Aapi said—firstly: it’s not appropriate for us to be so close before ruksati. Secondly: if I stay away from Maan, then he might agree to the ruksati. And that made me happy.

So, I have to maintain some distance between us so he agrees to the ruksati, just like Aapi said...

“Hana... come, I’ll drop you.”

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Maan’s voice outside my room.

You have to do this, Hana, I told myself and sighed before opening the door.

“Come, let’s go,” he said as soon as he saw me, turning to leave. But I stopped him.

“Maan, wait... actually... um... I can’t come with you,” I said hesitantly. He turned to look at me, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

“Uhm... I have some work... I mean, before going to college, I need to visit my friend’s house and...”

“Okay, then I’ll drop you at your friend’s house,” he interrupted.

“No, you can’t drop me... I mean, if her family sees us, they’ll ask a thousand questions, and I don’t want that. So, I’ll go with Kareem Chacha,” I said, then almost ran from there before he could say anything. I knew if he insisted, I wouldn’t be able to say no. But I heard him call my name.

•••••••••••

“She’s right,” Kulsum said as we sat on the canteen chairs. I had told her what Aapi said, and she agreed with her.

“I don’t think so...” I said, sounding unsure.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because... Maan didn’t like it when I ignored him. You know, the last two days I tried to ignore him, and yesterday he warned me that if I ignored him again then...” I trailed off. Kulsum raised her eyebrows.

“Then?” she asked.

“Then... I don’t know,” I shrugged.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” she asked again.

“Arre... Maan said, if I ignored him again then... so I’m telling you—if I ignore him again, then...”

“Then what, Hana?” she almost yelled, clearly irritated.

“He didn’t say anything after that,” I shrugged again. She looked at me angrily.

“Ughh... you idiot. Why in the whole world did I make YOU my best friend?” she snapped, emphasizing the word you.

“You should be thankful that I made you my friend, or else who would want to be friends with you?” I said, rolling my eyes. She glared at me.

“Oh really? If I hadn’t been friends with you, you would've been left all alone,” she said arrogantly, flipping her hair.

“Accha... you—” I was about to argue back, but a familiar voice interrupted me.

“Hey Hana... hi Kulsum,” Kabir said—our senior.

“Hi,” Kulsum and I said in unison.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked, sitting on a chair in front of me.

“What does it look like everyone’s doing here? Lunch,” Kulsum replied with a sarcastic smile. We actually didn’t like boys disturbing us during lunch. Most of them tried to flirt in the canteen, and we didn’t like that. But Kabir always tried his best to hang around with us—or should I say, with me.

Yes... people say he has a huge crush on me. He isn’t a bad guy. In fact, I’ve never heard anything about him being involved with other girls. Kulsum says he really likes me. So, I try to ignore him as much as I can. I already told him I don’t like this kind of stuff. But he’s stubborn—he won’t budge. He keeps trying. He said one day I’ll agree to be friends with him. Yeah... he at least wants friendship. And honestly, if it weren’t for the promise I made to Maan, I would’ve accepted his friendship wholeheartedly. Because he really is a nice guy.

“Can I have lunch with you?” he asked, looking directly at me. I instantly felt guilty looking at any other boy. I have a husband. I can only look at him, only think of him. If my eyes or thoughts ever wander toward someone else, I feel like I’m cheating on Maan—and the guilt crushes me.

“Kulsum, I think I should leave,” I said, standing up.

“Hana... please finish your burger first,” Kabir pleaded, but I shook my head.

“I have to go. My cousin will be here any minute,” I said and walked away. I heard Kulsum following behind me.

“Hana, yaar, don’t be so rude. He’s not a bad guy... you know that.”

“And you know I’m married,” I cut her off sternly.

“Yes, but—”

“No but, Kulsum. You know if I talk to any boy—especially Kabir, knowing his feelings—I feel guilty.”

“I’m also engaged, Hanu... but I don’t feel the way you do. You’re just overreacting,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Huh... leave it,” I said and started walking toward the gate.

As I reached the gate, Kabir suddenly appeared in front of me.

“Hana, listen—”

“Kabir... please, I have to go,” I cut him off.

“I’m not here to stop you. I came to give you this. Laiba didn’t come to college today, so she asked me to return this to you,” he said, handing me my notebook that I had given his sister. Laiba was my friend, but after knowing about Kabir’s crush, I started keeping distance from her too.

“Okay, thank you,” I said, taking the book.

“You know... you’re so rude,” he said, slightly narrowing his eyes.

“I know,” said Kulsum, raising her hand with a chuckle.

“Then tell her—”

“Hana!” Kabir was cut off by a familiar voice. I turned and saw Maan standing at the gate, looking at us.

“Maan...” I whispered.

Ya Allah... Maan saw me talking to Kabir. Is he going to get angry? Will he fight with Kabir? I started panicking. Maan used to get angry if I talked to any boy—or even fight with the boy I spoke to.

“Who is he?” Kabir asked.

“I’m her cousin,” Maan replied. Kabir looked at me.

“Okay, bye Kulsum,” I said, and without looking back at Kabir, walked toward Maan.

“Who was he?” Maan asked as we sat in the car and he started driving.

“Um... Kabir, my senior,” I said and waited for him to say something. But to my surprise, he just hummed in response.

He didn’t say anything. That means he doesn’t care if I’m with another boy. I felt bad. Honestly, I wanted Maan to be angry with me for talking to another boy. But I think he doesn’t care anymore. I felt my eyes grow wet, but I held back the tears and looked out the window.

The drive was silent for a few minutes, then Maan’s phone rang. He connected the Bluetooth to his phone and answered the call. I looked out the window again.

“Walaikum Assalam... I’m good, how about you?” I heard Maan say. I looked at him. He replied salaam? That means he was talking to a Muslim.

“Okay, it’s fine with me... I’ll try, yaar...” Maan continued, and I looked back outside.

“Okay, chal bye,” he said and hung up.

“Muslim friend?” I asked, eyes still on the window.

“Yes... Munaf. He owns the restaurant where Alex, Jake and I always meet. We met Munaf there. He’s a really nice guy and now a good friend. So, he invited us to his hotel’s 5-year anniversary party,” Maan explained.

“Hmm... so you’re going?” I asked, looking at him.

“Don’t know... but I’ll try,” he replied, still focused on the road. I just hummed in response.

Then he stopped the car and looked at me. I looked around and saw we had reached home. But Maan was silently looking at me. I opened the car door, but Maan held my wrist. I looked at him questioningly.

“What?” my voice came out as a whisper. He leaned closer, and my heart started racing. I leaned back against the door.

“Maan, wha—” I began, but he placed his index finger on my lips and moved even closer.

Then I heard a click. I looked down and saw he had unbuckled my seatbelt. I looked back at him—and my breath hitched when I saw him staring at my lips.

“Maan... I think we should go,” I said, quickly opening the door and running inside. I didn’t look back, and he didn’t stop me.

***********

I was in the kitchen making cookies for Maan. After I had run from Maan's car, I hadn’t seen him again. Marzi aapi had told me to keep some distance between Maan and me. So, I was trying to do just that—but that didn’t mean I couldn’t make something for him, right?

"Mama!" I heard Maan yell. And the next second, he was in the kitchen.

"Mama..." he trailed off when he saw me. I looked at him and saw he was holding his shirt.

"Where is Mama? And where is everyone?"

"Mama went to meet the wedding planner with Fathima aapi and Baba. Marzi aapi and Riya aapi went to the park with their children," I replied.

"Okay... uhmm... so that means... you and I are... alone?" he asked with a smirk playing on his lips.

"Um... do you want anything?" I asked, ignoring his cheeky question and turning back toward my bowl where I was mixing the cookie ingredients.

"Yeah... I wanted Mama to iron my shirt but anyway..." he trailed off. I said nothing and pretended to stay busy.

My hand froze mid-motion when I felt Maan’s presence right behind me. My heartbeat quickened as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

"You're ignoring me again, Hana?" he whispered in my ear, resting his chin on my shoulder. I felt tingles and butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"N... no, Maan. Pleas..." My voice caught in my throat when I felt his lips brush against my earlobe. Then he turned me around to face him. I looked down, feeling shy, but he lifted my face by placing his finger under my chin. I looked into his eyes—and I was completely lost in them.

But then...

“It’s not appropriate for both of you to be close before ruksati...”

“...Maintain some distance from Rumaan. If you do this, it might make him agree to the ruksati sooner.”

Aapi’s voice began echoing in my head.

"Maan... Plea... please," I whispered, placing both my hands on his chest and trying to put some distance between us.

"What please?" he asked, pulling me even closer. I bit my lip to hold back a whimper, but that only made things worse. His eyes dropped to my lips.

"You know... if you hadn’t run out of my car today, I would’ve surely kissed you right then and there," he whispered, his eyes locked onto mine. My eyes widened slightly.

"Maan... it’s... not... right," I stammered.

"What’s not right? Don’t I have rights over you?" he asked, his gaze flickering back to my lips. When I didn’t respond, he started leaning in. I began to squirm. "Maan... plea..." I tried to push him, but his grip on my waist tightened.

"Ssshh," he hushed, brushing his thumb over my lips. His face was now just inches from mine. That’s when my heart and mind began their battle.

Heart: Hana, it’s okay... he’s your husband... he has all the rights over you...

Mind: No, Hana! Push him away... it’s not right... didn’t Aapi say so?

Heart: Don’t push him away, Hana. You’ll regret it...

Mind: No, Hana! Don’t listen to that foolish heart of yours. Just push him away!

My mind screamed—and I did what it told me. I pushed him with all my strength, and he stumbled back, falling to the floor. He looked up at me, eyes wide with shock written all over his face.

But then… that shock turned into hurt—and that hurt broke my heart.

And in the very next second, that hurt turned into anger. His face darkened, jaw clenched, and I gulped.

That’s when I realized what I had just done.

I rushed toward him and tried to hold his arms, but he jerked my hands away and stood up.

"Maan... I didn’t mea—" I began, panicking, but he cut me off harshly.

"Save it. You just showed me my place. You showed me what I mean to you," he said, holding his palm up in my face, his voice laced with bitterness. My eyes welled up with tears.

He turned to leave, but I grabbed his hand to stop him.

"Maan... plea—"

"Don’t touch me!" he shouted in my face, jerking his hand away. Panic gripped me.

"Don’t you dare come near me. And don’t you dare show me your face again!" he yelled, pointing a finger at me. Then he hurled the bowl of cookie mixture to the floor and stormed out of the kitchen.

And I stood there—shocked and shattered. Tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably.

No, no, no! I didn’t want this. I didn’t mean to offend him. What had I done? Why did I listen to Aapi? I listened to her and pushed my husband away!

I started shaking in fear, rubbing my forehead frantically.

"No! I shouldn’t have listened to Aapi... Aapi, you were wrong! Now Maan doesn’t even want to see my face! You were wrong, Aapi!!!" I screamed, falling to the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

......................